Friday, February 5, 2010

A new decade...

I absolutely cannot believe that 2010 is here and we are already in February.  I remember wanting to be so grown up when I was a child and now when you get a little older, you want things to slow down.  

I am very grateful for the last decade.  I really am.  Without everything happening just the way that it did, I would not be morphing into the strong woman that I am becoming today.    I know that there has been many times that I wanted to go back in time and fix things, change things.  But, if I was allowed to do that...then everyone and everything in my path would be on a different course.   I have the husband I want, and am completely blessed by our 3 wonderful children.   I am working on getting myself where I need to be.  Healthy again, following my dreams and stop being so afraid to make a move.   I have so many TV pilots, screenplays, everything in my head that is written on pieces of paper all over the house.  I am finally able to start working hard on those things and believing in me to do what I know I can do.   I have a Production Entertainment company in the works, and so much else involved with that.  It is taking me longer than I wanted it too. 

And that is what I want to share with you...the words "taking me longer than I wanted it too"   Have you ever thought that heartache, illness, difficult trials were actually your vines were being pruned back so that you can grow bigger and better?   Maybe at the time YOU THINK that things are supposed to come together is not when God thinks.  If you are like me, you question, you keep hitting road block after road block, and then you start to throw in the towel.  DON'T do it~  Don't throw in that towel.  Because right when you think it can't taps you on the shoulder and shines a flashlight on your path. 

For me, the flashlight is shining.  It is time for me to follow that and stop being so afraid of where it may go.   "What if this? What if that?"   I have been afraid for too long to move forward.  I stay stuck in fear on so many levels.  Like "what if I start to do this or that and I get sepsis again...will I die?"   We are all going to die....but, we don't have to sit there waiting for it and watching life and people pass us by.

I look at my children and they are really the ones that motivate me (and hubby) to get up, to give it all I have got.  Because that is what I am forever drilling into their heads...."Can't is not a word in our house", "You can do and be anything you want in this life...never give up"   I realized what a hypocrite I would be if I didn't do exactly what I am asking them to do?   I cannot be a teacher if I don't practice what I preach.  I used to walk the walk with the talk.  But being sick became my new role in life (or so I thought) and I have been in that role for a long time. I am much slower than I want to be, so I am learning to set realistic goals.  Unlike what I used to do..."I will finish 2 screenplays this month"  Ridiculous expectations, I know.  I finally see that I can be whatever I want to be even if I have things in my body not working right.  I can live life fully with it.....or stay miserable with it...   I choose life...abundant life....stepping out of my comfort zone.   

This is the decade that it is going to happen.  What a ride this is going to be....and I am SOOOO blessed to have an amazing family and friends to go on the ride with.   If you want to follow your dreams....come follow me!