I have had a hard time being able to find my own voice on this subject. And now, thanks to a few mentors in my life and help...I am learning to accept me for who I am.
Growing up, and even until recently I always apologized for who I am. I said I am sorry for everything, even when it was the another who hurt me or something that could not possibly be my fault. I have allowed people to treat me in ways that I accepted. Because for some reason, I thought it had to be my fault.
I have wasted so much energy in this lifetime trying to be what others want me to be. I lost my way. I accepted the criticism, I accepted the name calling, I accepted the outright rudeness towards me. I accepted having friendships that were only coming from my side and the other side just used me when they needed me. I accepted giving myself to others and expecting nothing in return. And that is what I got...nothing in return...and when I reached out to find out what I had done wrong (when, in reality..how could it be my fault when no one lets you in)...the barrage of "You are too sensitive, too much drama, too much, too this and that"
I have now been guided by the help of some amazing mentors to take claim who I am back and to not apologize for the attributes that make others uncomfortable.
Yes, I am "super sensitive", I am too much at times, I do come on too strong at times...it is only because I am trying so hard to get that persons approval. I don't need their approval anymore. Yes, I am quite silly, I am a dreamer, I am passionate, I am forgetful, I am all or nothing, YES...I am a perfectionist when it comes to certain things, I did (not now) allow people to use me as a door mat and then me apologizing profusely for not being the perfect door mat. I am quirky, I can be a dork, I can be maddening, I dream big, I laugh and talk too loud. I believe in many different things. I dance whenever I feel like it. I cry when I am angry, I cry at commercials....I am a lot of things that people, and MANY close to me have said about me.
I am me....and I am claiming all of those things as mine and make no apologies for being a person who beats to a different drum. If you do not like me, or want to hear me, or look at me. Move. Or "unfriend" me from whatever social network I am on. But, I am not apologizing any longer for being the person God intended me to be.
You know what? I am glad that I am sensitive. Because this world is FULL of insensitivity. People have become puppets, the world is majority analytical and they want me to fit into their world. No longer, I fit in my world and those that love me, like being in my world.
Should you find yourself not liking who I really am. It is your loss. My husband, and children love all of the quacky ways about me. And you know what...I do too. No more apologies.
Do it for yourself too....be who you are meant to be. DON'T chase after people who are not worthy of your time. Did you know that you are worthy? I am. And YOU get to choose who is worthy enough to be called a friend, or who you want to spend your energy on, and you are worthy enough to be EXACTLY who you are with no apologies.
It has taken me my whole life to get it. It took a really hard talk the other night from my mentor. And for the first time, I got what the people who loved me tried to say....be true to yourself.
I claim my strengths and weaknesses and I love all of them. Try doing it for yourself....I suppose that is what freedom is.