Wednesday, December 10, 2008

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I am NOT a good sick person. I do not do well at all being made to rest. I get angry and sad. Because, I like to be in control and what has been happening to me....there is no way that I can be in control. Makes me so frustrated!!

I am not complaining though, because I have made it 2 or 3 whole weeks without being in the hospital or ER. Trust me, that is a victory. I have mentioned before how easily I could pass out. Unfortunately, the last 2 times have been much longer in duration. I hear the person coming to my aid, but, I can't do anything with my body. So, last night...I got so sick to my stomach and lets just say, I was so sick that my shoes came out. (i know, I know).

I try with my nutrition and keeping hydrated. That is what helps my kidneys and intestine issues. But, when I get sick like that, there is nothing left. I am deficient a lot in potassium and and what happened last night....I stood up and took a few steps and went face down, out of it for what seemed like forever. I couldn't move my body....but, I did wake up enough to call out for someone. Finally my daughter found me and got my husband. They quickly put me in the bed and Ran for some type of sugar and something to drink. I don't remember much and must have feel asleep and abruptly woke up at close to midnight and then had insomnia. Obnoxious.

The good thing for me is that there is more and more larger time spans in between the major problems or the fainting. I had a wonderful weekend and plan to again this weekend. I take each day one at a time. I am grateful for a lot. All of my doctors and alternative doctors are drilling in my head that I had to do whatever it takes to take out the stress. I don't know how people do it. I do meditation, starting back in Yoga, Pilates. But, I don't know how to remove the stress. I noticed that a couple of days before last night, I had a lot weighing on me and I internalize things and then I don't want to eat or drink and it takes me down a very bad phyiscal road.

At least now, I can look back and see when the stress is happening and what kind it is. So, I am prayerful that I can not let things/people affect me so much. That is going to be a true goal for me.

I feel so terrible that it traumatizes my husband and children so much. But, many times I have no control over it. But, I can at least recognize when I am getting worked up and eat protein and keep my fluids way up.

I am grateful that I have my parents to help me when I am very weak like today, while hubby is out of town.

Frankly, I have sooo much to be thankful for.

I am not going to let this take me down.

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