Sunday, November 22, 2009

Where do we go from here?

I haven't written in two months.    I ended up getting terribly sick. Went to the Cleveland Clinic again, then have been in the hospital for most of October and Nov.  I ended up having a PICC line put in for nutrients and food to feed my body.  I developed high fevers after that was put in.  I had severe anemia, and other major depletion's.  I was so sick there a few weeks back.  I ended up back in the hospital with a high fever 103f (I am known for 97.0 F)  I had sepsis, which is a blood infection.  It messed up my body pretty bad.  You don't realize how serious it is until much later.  My blood pressure was dropping like crazy.  My doctor said that if I could not get it up in numbers...then, I was headed to ICU.  He hooked me up to another Saline bag and pumped fluids in me like crazy.  I responded well and my bp went back up.   Shew....avoided ICU.  NO thank you.  A step down unit is just fine. 

It was a mess, because both of my arms developed cellulitis and I was feeling like I was getting pneumonia again.  My doctor actually discharged me and sent me home on antibiotic therapy.  He said I was getting sicker there in the hospital.   Interesting....

I did well for a day or two...and then boom....Swine Flu.  Kicked my butt. 

I stayed focused the whole time on my husband and had a picture with me of our children.  Mind over matter,  mind overe matter.    I went back into the hospital through ambulance.  Kidneys, the works.   I stayed a week.  And again, they felt strong that they were doing more harm than good by keeping me the.  That we could do everything out patient.   I missed my appointments in Cleveland at the Clinic.   I couldn't help it.    I have been home now for about a week and a 1/2 and have been getting my strength back.   I have enjoyed immensely being home.  Especially with the kids.  The girls have been home with me the most.  I just stare at them when they are not looking and  I tear up and think of how lucky I am.

That is where I am now...lucky, blessed.   I went shopping, rode my bike around the block.  Doesn't seem like much to many.  But, it was everything to me....

Where do I go from here?  Being in the present, being thankful, being grateful and living out loud in the world.  Making sure that where I feel I have left things on making peace.  Even if the other person doesn't want peace with me...I am fine with that.  I need to let go and say I am sorry where needed.   Hug my husband everyday and make sure he knows that he has been so amazing.  To let our children know that they are the light of my life.  I cannot imagine life without them. 

Happy Thanksgiving!!!   I know what I am thankful for you?

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