Saturday, June 13, 2009

Needing to get my own Doctors degree..

No one gave me the memo that in order to be a patient that you needed to have your own doctorate degree. You are responsible for knowing which medicines interact with the other. You are responsible for knowing so much about medical jargon, the unspoken rules, the way it all works. My memo got lost in the mail somewhere. for If you only knew what I have been through with hospitals, doctors, rules, diagnosis, diagnosis taken back, added on. Medicines thrown out me, taken away instantly leaving me in a state of seizure like episodes. Young fellows coming in my hospital room.... not listening to a word that I am saying. That is because the 5 very young fellows and the attending doctor are all doing different things. One is texting the entire time and his phone was ringing off the hook. He was the same guy who came down in the ER to talk to me about being admitted into the hospital. He yawned the whole time and I could clearly tell he was gone. Body was there...but, gone. Then, one is picking his nails, one is writing notes, The attendee's eyes are glassed over from lack of sleep. And he sticks the youngest fellow in front of me and tells me how long it will be before I MIGHT be able to play with my children again. She said it would be hopefully in 2 years. I almost threw up.

I asked why my kidneys were on fire. They said that everything looked clear. The day that I left the hospital, I was bent in half from pain....crying.... no, let me correct that. I was screaming from the pain and the feeling that my skin was coming off of me, fireworks in my head, rocking back and forth. The doctor comes in and tells me that is how my life is going to be for a long time until we can slowly do "bio feedback" on my bladder and colon. I must have looked at him like an exorcist. The nurses were very upset too that they did not give me any pain medicine. Because one told me that she never saw anyone in so much pain and not have any relief.

The doctors felt that any medicine of any sort would interfere with my bowels. I said I understood, but, that my kidneys and my bladder were on fire and I need help. Again, they said everything looked fine.

I was sent home writhing in pain and rocking back and forth. Begging my husband not to leave my side. Because when you are in that kind of think you might legitimatly die. Because that is exactly how I felt at that moment. I made it home and that night as I was thrashing about and having what they call "tics" where you have no control over your facial muscles or hands or arms. My husband held me tight to help me but, I couldn't stop this seizure like episode. I never went to sleep. Maybe for an hour.

The next morning (this past Saturday), I was even worse shape. I did not know that was possible. I literally was on the floor rocking back and forth in a fetal position. I started throwing up bile and blood. My husband was gone and when he called, he got my parents to take me back to the ER. One that is close by.

They said I had a RAGING kidney infection, they treated me with kindess. They listened to me and helped me. It was a small local ER. Because the pain that I was in. Yet, these large insitutions (for the exception of Cleveland Clinic) come in with 10-15 people in any given day and all come through with their scripted words. Their words where of no warmth. No one listened. How could they pass a raging kidney infection? Funny thing is....while I was in the ER the Hospital called and said "oh yea, you have a kidney infection". They could have found that out in the hospital and saved me 4 days of complete hell. I am a number in the big instution. I have much anger and bitterness that I know I have to work through. I am working with someone on that.

I have much to talk about this last week. Will write more later.

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